As a matter of fact: God is real. He sees. He hears. He knows.
I'm mourning a lot of things right now. I can tell you that I never expected this year to feel this different, which comes to prove that God listens and knows every little detail about me.
When 2021 began I shared (in prayer) how I want this year to be different and how I want God to 'shake my life up' this year. I wanted to start over. I wanted a do-over, with him, with my career and my relationship with myself.
He listened. 3 months into the year I made the toughest decision of my life, I left my job and chose my mental health over the cheque. Leaving a good-paying job in a Pandemic sounds insane, but it was necessary.
So, here am I thinking this is the 'shake up' I asked for. Oh no, the Lord's work is never done.
A month after leaving work, I found out my partner was cheating on me. GRIEF hit me and out of all the stages of grief, Denial prevailed and I was stuck in it. I had one too many opportunities to feel through other stages of grief (Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance), I would not allow myself to feel them.
Postponing the inevitable always feels like a safe choice until it isn't - It's stalling my own growth.
There's such a war of feelings happening inside my body and on most days it feels like death. I'd never IMAGINE leaving my job and being cheated on as the 'shake up' I needed. But what I KNOW for sure in my life is that God sees, He hears and He knows what I need at ALL times He has my best interests at heart. As painful as my 'shake me up' season has been, I still choose to follow His plan, His promises and His ways.